Christmas Diary: My Family & Christmas

Dear Readers, 

First, I hope you had a Merry Christmas, and I wish you a happy new year. I hope your celebrations encompassed love, laughter, and joy. Christmas Day was a wonderful day. I convinced my family to go all out for Christmas for the first time. We officially had our first “American” Christmas. I wanted to relate it to you because not everyone celebrates the “American way.” 

For those who grew up with immigrant parents, as I did, you sure have experienced the disconnect between immigrant parents not caring about the holidays and you wanting to have a Christmas extravaganza because it is part of your “American culture.” I hope that by sharing my holiday experiences, you will understand how to create your “American” holiday tradition. I also hope you will learn how to make the best of the holiday season while you battle different cultures and traditions. 

In all my previous Christmas posts, I focused on solo travelers, single women, and now people who grew up in a multicultural environment because I have first-hand experience in those categories. I grew up in a Congolese-American immigrant family. 90% of my travels have been solo, and I have been single for most of my life. Therefore, I understand how the holiday seasons can be triggering for those in those three categories. I wanted my post to speak to people who share these experiences. In this post, I’ll focus on the Christmas battle for some immigrant kids.

The holidays can be a confusing time of the year for immigrant kids and first-generation Americans. I have realized that many immigrant households have not adopted the holidays in American culture. Although some families celebrate the holidays they share in their respective countries, the fact that they are not in that country and have yet to be fully immersed in American society makes the holidays hold different gravitas in many immigrant homes. 

One example of a holiday that does not mean anything to me and many of my immigrant friends is Thanksgiving. I have no emotional attachment to the holidays and did not experience my first Thanksgiving in the American traditional sense until I went to college. I do not have a holiday that I have an emotional sentiment and relation to, like Christmas; however, the different cultural attitudes towards Christmas have always made the holiday season a bit tricky for my family and me. 

Christmas is a holiday on which people have a different celebration tradition. Because of different attitudes about celebrating Christmas from believers and non-believers, Christmas presents a cultural clash. One of the challenges of integrating American holiday tradition into an immigrant family’s custom is that the extravaganza is rooted in capitalism and is less about the birth of Christ for deeply religious immigrants. As a kid who wants to enjoy the holidays’ festivities and loves the displays, you are confronted with wanting to please your parents and respect their wishes for what they want to instill in you. That was the dilemma I faced in my African-immigrant Christian family.

My Family & Christmas

My family migrated to the United States about seventeen years ago. I cannot believe it has been that long, mainly because, based on how I was raised, my mother consistently portrays herself as an immigrant. It feels like she has never left Africa. Growing up between two cultures, there was a concrete line between my life outside of my house and inside the house. Outside, I could live as an American kid. When I got home, I was an African kid. So when Christmas came around, the Christmas traditions I saw on TV were only for my outside life and did not translate inside my house. 

Like many immigrant kids, school is the primary tool for our integration into American society and tradition. Before I went to college and started having my own Christmas traditions, school was my introduction to the American Christmas adventures. At school, I learned Christmas carols. I participated in my first Christmas decorations. It was at school that I learned about the ugly Christmas sweaters. In middle school, one of our teachers volunteered our class to sing Christmas carols throughout the school. Although most of my class hated it, I had an experience as a Christmas caroler. I also bought and received my first Christmas gift through a Secret Santa thing that my class did. These experiences were very different from my Christmas experience when we lived in Africa. 

When I was younger in Africa, we never did gift exchanges. Our parents bought us new clothes to wear to church, and we got dolls from Santa. I remember being afraid of Santa when I was younger, and I believe I only saw a Santa Claus once. There was no such thing as tree decorations. The cities did not transform into a Christmas wonderland like in Western cities. People did not come to your house and started singing hymns. We all knew Christmas was about the birth of Jesus; therefore, as Christians, we went to church, ate with our neighbors, and observed the last days of the year with prayers and good deeds. 

Which is what Christmas was to my family even when we migrated to the United States. Therefore, our Christmas tradition included my mother buying us clothes, attending Church for Christmas mass, and going home. My family started doing gift exchanges, and since there were only three people, you knew who your Secret Santa was. Sometimes, we buy each other’s gifts without doing the Secret Santa. Since we did not decorate our home, one of my favorite things was driving around the neighborhood, seeing other people’s decorations, and judging them. Like many immigrant families who do not like to deal with bills, we would wonder how much electric bills the house with the most light would be paying. It was a fun way to spend the holidays. However, I always wanted to do those “American Christmas traditions,” but I knew it would be hard to convince my family. Then I went to college. 

Me & Christmas

Going to college is a life-changing experience for any young adult. It is the transition between childhood and adulthood. Aside from being in a place where you are taking different lessons and preparing for your future life, college is where you try different experiences and do things you never imagined doing. College allowed me to try new things like learning Chinese, traveling, and experiencing Christmas the American way. 

During college, I participated in all Western/American Christmas traditions. I went to an ugly Christmas sweater party. My friends and I went to Christmas festivals. From Mystic Aquarium to Christmas in Paris, Germany, Ghent, and Shanghai, I have had unique Christmas experiences during my college years. I bought my first real Christmas tree when I was in a relationship when living in Belgium. Although my ex saw the whole thing as paganism, he still went along with it, which I appreciated. Experiencing Christmas in the Western contests helped me integrate into this tradition. When I travel and talk to foreigners, I can tell them about an American Christmas from a first-hand experience. 

This year, I wanted to bring this tradition to my family. I wanted my family and me to have an American Christmas. Since I had the money to invest in my desire to have an American Christmas with a Christmas tree and decorations, and my niece is old enough to want a Christmas tree, I achieved my goal, and we had a memorable Christmas experience as a family. 

Christmas 2023

Having Christmas on a Monday was strange. With climate change preventing us from having a white Christmas, the bright light beaming through my window did not help me feel like it was Christmas. However, my joy was because I was waiting to see my niece come over and open her gifts. This year, it was all about my niece. We have realized that Christmas is for kids. We buy the trees, decorate the house, and participate in different traditions to sell the story of Christmas to kids. Therefore, we did not buy each other gifts as we did in the past. We all went out because we wanted my niece to enjoy her American Christmas traditions. At four years old, she already knows Christmas songs. She has met Santa and knows she is getting presents. As an aunt, I want to give her the experiences I did not have or get when I was younger. 

When she came and saw the presents, it was a happy moment for me. As for me, I immersed myself in the holiday traditions I started for myself in college. I decorated the Christmas tree by myself. It was vital for me to have that self-care moment. I went to watch the Christmas tree lighting at City Hall. I went shopping and treated myself to a new purse, makeup bag, and new shoes. After my niece opened her parents, my mother watched the Christmas Day parade and answered phone calls from family members in the DRC. My mother later made beignets, and I had fun stealing a couple before she finished making them. 

It may not seem like a big deal for others, but to us, this was the first time we were all home in a couple of years. My mother did not work like she does on most Christmass. Because we now have a small child who is the first American-born in our family, I am glad to see how we have allowed ourselves to integrate into the “American” Christmas traditions. I know this will be my last Christmas in Rhode Island since I am moving, and I am choosing to travel during every future Christmas holiday. Therefore, this Christmas is a good one to refer to for our family’s collective memory. 

In conclusion, although the holidays can be triggering for some people. It is up to you to decide how to spend it. If your family does not like to celebrate how you would like, you can take it upon yourself to be the John Baptist of your family and show them the way. If small kids are in your family, use them as an excuse to give them a splendid holiday experience. Christmas is the only universal holiday. There is no particular way to have an “American” Christmas holiday. The American way can include traditions from your culture and things you have adopted while living abroad or on your journeys. Your “American” Christmas holiday can combine your experiences and your traditional culture with the aspects you adopted while living in the United States. There is not one way to celebrate the holidays, and it is up to you to define what you like to incorporate.

Until next time, Happy New Year!

xoxo,

Cy